Aug 27, 2021 - That Horrible Birthday Realization

When I was 16, my phone was engaged between 11 pm and 3 am. I did not consider myself popular, but I had a lot of friends. They would all call me - some would get through, others would call back a couple of times. I would go to school the next day with blood shot eyes, the bloodier the eyes, the more the friends. 

Over the next few years, phone calls reduced - first, instead of 4 hours, to two hours, and then one hour, around midnight. Slowly, the phone calls shifted to during office hours, a brief phone call, with only a couple of friends calling in the evening for more than 5 minutes.

Today, as I turn 33, I got only one call from a friend, everyone else wished me on Instagram, LinkedIn and Whatsapp. My bank and my hospital sent me an email wishing me. The one constant has been my immediate family. While I'm grateful for my family, I can't help but feel a little sadness at how the number of phone calls, friends and hours of conversations went to a flat line.

The graph, you ask? Yes, I drew it. I gifted my husband randomly one day an apple pencil. 

If you don't get it, it's fine - just goes to show that over the 15 years, nobody has time to pick up the phone and talk, even on one's birthday.

SS

Mar 17, 2021 - Beautiful Marshlands

Under things I learnt today, Iraq has an absolutely wonderful region in the south called the Mesopotamian marshes. I am in awe of its beauty.

They seem surreal, in the backdrop of a country torn apart by militia, media, politics, IS, local rebels. For me, the below pictures make me realize that Iraq is truly beautiful and has always been.

SS

Mar 16, 2021 - Being Uncomfortable around Perfection

Since there is a senior management team meeting happening, the office feels lively. It's predominantly a British management, and we know how perfect they are.

Today is also the day I did not wear my blazer (little did I know that who's who of the office would be flocking by). So, well, I sat in one place, trying to be invisible while listening to click clacks of heels and whish whoosh of sharply tailored blazers and pant suits and dresses.

SS

Mar 10, 2021 - Could Earth have been Avatar?

Avatar, the movie, was way ahead of its time. Made in 2009, it could've well applied to a 150 AD Earth or a 2150 AD Earth. A beyond lush, resourceful and beautiful planet where life is simple. There is no junk food, no digging up Pandora for minerals, no electricity or sky scrapers. Simple sleeping pods made of roots. Simple food from available plants and fruits and perhaps the small creatures. You know exactly where your food comes from.

No politics, no news. A horse and a dragon for all. Not too bad eh?

Nature is amazing. It has everything for us. All energy is only borrowed and one day, you have to give it back. Every living being is connected - there's a flow which we do not realize. But we live as isolated beings, glued to our couches, working for money in small man made desks when in fact, we have all of the planet to wander on.

There was a sentence in the series 'Outlander' of which I saw a few episodes. 'We will live off the land'. I think the show was set in the 1700's. I am inclined to believe that people did live off the land - eating food in the wild, sleeping in the wild. A very different life to what we live now. I don't know which I prefer.

SS

Mar 7, 2021 - Nothingness Part 2

Every alternate week we work from home. I've really come to appreciate working from home. The chance to spend more time with my partner and my cat and my plants and my couch. Not to mention the time saved on travel.

*Rant Alert* I have been feeling really dilapidated. Like an old building, without a purpose. I watch Korean dramas that typically make me happy. I swim almost daily - this used to make me happy. But there is something that is gnawing inside of me. And I'm embarrassed of it. It's Meghan Markle. I have found her to be a below average actor - it's the reason I stopped watching Suits - my frustration of her overtook my fascination of 'Harvey'. But seeing her all over the web, with #harryandmeghan everywhere, radio, television included, is driving me nuts. I don't want to dislike her - she literally has zero impact on my life, but as I write this, I do dislike her. There are people I dislike, but they're not in my face. I need to get over this - otherwise - before I know it - there will be a 'Nothingness - Part 149'.

SS

Mar 6, 2021 - Of Nothingness

I feel so empty. It's been a few days. Swimming really helps. I do not want to work full time. But it so happens that I want to travel a lot. I'm on the edge if may be I'd be okay to travel in moderate settings. I mean I would be more than okay to stay in boutique villas, luxury hotels, artsy nooks - but the question is, would I be okay to travel in moderate settings.

Apart from travel, another big thing would be kids. Having kids changes the whole equation. You then have a certain minimum standard and liability to keep up with every month. Or a sick loved one with above the moon bills. 

At this point in life, neither can I travel thanks to Covid-19 nor do I have kids nor a sick loved one. So the motivation to work full time is missing. And it's been a while that it's been missing. I have a feeling many people en el todo el mundo feel this way.

SS

Mar 3, 2021 - Of 50 Laps

I swam for almost 40 minutes yesterday. High intensity swimming completing 50 laps. I felt so good. Observation of my life - when I'm in water/close to water I am so happy. It's not logical. I forget all my worries. I am a different person in H2O.

I sometimes wonder why I don't do it more often. Will my love for water fade if it is made available everyday? Is my illogical fascination for H2O driven by my infrequent visits to the pool/sea? I plan to swim daily and go to the beach every weekend. Let's see if the fascination wears off.

SS