Mar 7, 2021 - Nothingness Part 2

Every alternate week we work from home. I've really come to appreciate working from home. The chance to spend more time with my partner and my cat and my plants and my couch. Not to mention the time saved on travel.

*Rant Alert* I have been feeling really dilapidated. Like an old building, without a purpose. I watch Korean dramas that typically make me happy. I swim almost daily - this used to make me happy. But there is something that is gnawing inside of me. And I'm embarrassed of it. It's Meghan Markle. I have found her to be a below average actor - it's the reason I stopped watching Suits - my frustration of her overtook my fascination of 'Harvey'. But seeing her all over the web, with #harryandmeghan everywhere, radio, television included, is driving me nuts. I don't want to dislike her - she literally has zero impact on my life, but as I write this, I do dislike her. There are people I dislike, but they're not in my face. I need to get over this - otherwise - before I know it - there will be a 'Nothingness - Part 149'.

SS

Mar 6, 2021 - Of Nothingness

I feel so empty. It's been a few days. Swimming really helps. I do not want to work full time. But it so happens that I want to travel a lot. I'm on the edge if may be I'd be okay to travel in moderate settings. I mean I would be more than okay to stay in boutique villas, luxury hotels, artsy nooks - but the question is, would I be okay to travel in moderate settings.

Apart from travel, another big thing would be kids. Having kids changes the whole equation. You then have a certain minimum standard and liability to keep up with every month. Or a sick loved one with above the moon bills. 

At this point in life, neither can I travel thanks to Covid-19 nor do I have kids nor a sick loved one. So the motivation to work full time is missing. And it's been a while that it's been missing. I have a feeling many people en el todo el mundo feel this way.

SS

Mar 3, 2021 - Of 50 Laps

I swam for almost 40 minutes yesterday. High intensity swimming completing 50 laps. I felt so good. Observation of my life - when I'm in water/close to water I am so happy. It's not logical. I forget all my worries. I am a different person in H2O.

I sometimes wonder why I don't do it more often. Will my love for water fade if it is made available everyday? Is my illogical fascination for H2O driven by my infrequent visits to the pool/sea? I plan to swim daily and go to the beach every weekend. Let's see if the fascination wears off.

SS

Mar 2, 2021 - Of Being Sad

I’ve been off last few weeks. I’ve been sad in fact. 

1. I calculated my savings over the next 15 years, and it made me sad that it’s a small number (it’s relative).
2. A fellow colleague (and new joiner) occupied the wonderful window seat without telling anyone. It reminded me of a legal phrase – squatters rights. 
3. I’m still confused whether I want to be a mother (clock is ticking).
4. I still haven’t figured out how to sell something else apart from my precious time.
5. I made a few mistakes and lost some money while trading. (I will not call it investing).
6. I sometimes do not have enough work to keep me occupied and recently realized my company monitors my screen.
7. I badly want to travel but I’ve become stingy – it’s not like I don’t make money – I just want to retire as soon as possible and want to live like a hermit but this makes me sad.
8. I worked hard to lose weight and get fit, but then I lapsed – I haven’t worked out in a week and I’ve been eating everything – samosa to ben&jerry.
9. I’m anxious that I’m still on probation for another 12 days – and I will not know before then whether I am a confirmed employee. Having said this, once I’m confirmed, I’m going to be less anxious by a degree but point #4 still haunts me.

SS

Mar 1, 2021 - Of Humans and their Minds

In my previous office, my outside view was that of a desert. No, that sounds rather exotic for someone living in a busy city. My view was the of a barren land. Nothingness. Prior to that, I had no view. It was a room without windows.

In my current office, I get to see the tallest building in the world as my outside view, on one side. On the other side, I get to see the sea. Yes - the lovely blue Persian Gulf. Irrespective of what you were used to, this is majestic. I was bowled over on the first few days. Very naively, I mentioned to a senior person how wonderful it is to have this view. I asked (stupidly, in hindsight) this person if they ever got used to the view.

Today, I looked outside and just yawned. The view is now normalized. I'm used to it. I am used to this beautiful sea and the beautiful skyscraper. I'm a little upset that this view is normalized for me and no longer exciting or fascinating. Sigh. Humans.

SS

Feb 18, 2021 - Of (Exponential) Money in IPL

My husband is a huge fan of IPL - in that he doesn't watch all the matches - but appreciates certain matches and teams. Today, he was watching the IPL auction taking place.

I want to write about a particular bid - it was for Chris Morris. I had not heard of him until today. There were three teams bidding for him - and every few seconds, the bid price rose by 25 lakhs. 25 lakhs is higher than the average annual salary of most Indians. It is an amount some people will take a year to save - though closer to three to five years for most other people. Chris Morris was getting it by the second.

From starting at a base price of 75 lakhs to Rajasthan Royals winning him for 16 Cr - what a terrific journey of exponential growth in 10 minutes. Such is the money in IPL.

SS

Feb 17, 2021 - Dreaming of Wild Scotland

Everyday, when I have a bowl of cereal or eggs or whatever it is that I eat for breakfast, I switch on my 76" TV, go to YouTube and search for beautiful travel videos - be it of hikes, of aerial footage, cycling, forest hopping (yes it's a thing), camping and the like. I realized, most often than not, I land up dreaming about Scotland, and occasionally about UK. There is a channel that I have to mention that is not related to Scotland/UK - Jonna Jinton's Sweden videos.

But otherwise I always land up watching a video on Scotland. I am so in awe of the cliffs and landscape. It's raw, green with an endless expanse of the ocean - I never tire of watching the waves crashing over stunningly rugged cliffs. Yesterday I came across a channel that I am now hooked on to. Going the Whole Hogg - run by a couple - they seem so calm and seem like lovely people - and this is the video that got me addicted. The editing of the videos is top notch - along with a great choice of background music.

I sometimes ask myself why I write. I like to write, and I want to be able to come back and read my thoughts decades from now. And I want to remember this moment, sitting on my couch and being mesmerized at how beautiful Wild Scotland is.

SS